The Greatest Lie Ever Told isn't some obscure political scandal or cover up. It has nothing to do with the military, aliens, or religion. Its just a random stupid story from my sophomore year of college. The best part of the story is how unbelievable the lie was, and how it was believed.

It was Thanksgiving of 1998. I was rooming at college with my good friend Sean. We were both scrawny cross country runners. Sean couldn't have weighed more than 135 pounds, and I was under 150 myself. So between the two of us our dorm room seemed huge. There are many good stories from sophomore year. The Greatest Lie Ever told is one of my favorites. It centers on Sean.

To this point sophomore year Sean had done some crazy things. He stole an inflatable couch from the girls floor. Right out of a persons dorm room. I don't think he knew them well, but had met them. He just took it. And when they took it back, he tried to take it again. Sean also had his underwear ripped off him. I was in the room. I was on my computer with my back to Sean and I just hear "rrrrriiiiippppp" and Sean says "Don't turn around." Flying across the room comes a ripped pair of boxers and Sean saying don't look at he puts on a fresh pair. He swears he was just laying down and they ripped. I didn't bother to ask any questions. Thats just two examples. But that's not the story I'm telling tonight. That's just background.

The Greatest Lie Ever Told starts on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Most people had gone home the day before; including Sean. He left late Tuesday night. I was walking to brunch with a bunch of my friends to eat before leaving for home. For some reason it dawned on me to create a fantastic story about Sean. I start the story the night before.....

"I was sitting at my computer," I tell everyone. "Sean was laying on his bed watching TV so my back was turned to him. Randomly I hear Sean talking and I turn around to see him yelling to someone out the window. I don't think anything of it and turn back to the computer. After a few more minutes I hear Sean start screaming 'I've got a fat cock!!!!' out the window."

I say all this with a straight face. Mostly. Somehow I crack a smile but not a big one. Its a small one that says this story is weird without totally giving away the lie. No one seems too astonished with Sean screaming out the window or what he said in the story either so I continue.

"I was a little freaked out," I say, "but thought it wasn't too out of the ordinary. But Sean doesn't stop. He keeps screaming and is now practically jumping on his bed (which is by the window). At this point Sean starts taking off his clothes. He strips down to his boxers still sticking his head out the window (as much as college windows allow) saying 'I've got a fat cock!!!!' When he goes to start removing his boxers I get up and leave."

At this point some friends look a little astonished. A little bewildered. But I'm enjoying it so much I keep going.

"I left the room and walked around campus for an hour or two (which I was known to do late at night) and when I got back Sean was asleep. I went to sleep and when I got up this morning Sean had already left for home."

That was the end of the story, and it worked. No one knew Sean had left the night before, so it worked well. I swore I was telling the truth and everyone believed me. Or at least half believed me. We all left for Thanksgiving break after brunch. When Sean returned I saw him first and told him everything. I told him to go along with it but he swore no one would believe the story.

After less than a day Sean broke and said it was all a lie. I'll never forget Matt's response to Sean telling him the truth; "Its ok Sean, its not a big deal that you did all that." Nor will I forget Sean's golden proof that it must have been a lie "I wasn't even drinking in the story, you know its not true." That didn't dissuade Matt.

I'm sure I'm elaborating the story here and there. It may not be exactly how I told it the first time. But Its been years. Over a decade. And I haven't ever written it down before. So I'm allowed to embellish it. Besides..... it makes for a good read. Maybe I'll write down some more stories from sophomore year on here. I've got a great true story about Pat and a pleather jacket. That's right.... Pleather.