I was just listening to the Sheila Divine. A fantastic album if there ever was one. I've written about it several times. And it brought back these memories of another lonely time of my life. The summer of 2000. I was working in California, specifically at Stanford at ACE Computer camp.

I had returned there not knowing what to expect. There were about 4 other people I knew returning. One I was specifically looking forward to seeing. However anything I expected to return to didn't exist. And I felt pretty lonely. Not just from her, but from multiple angles. I felt like I was getting screwed at that job, asked to take on more responsibilities than others, felt set apart from others ( I didn't drink, others did) and really, just felt alone.

And I did stupid stuff to make up for it. I went out all alone till all hours of the night. I would take the train into San Francisco early on some mornings and not return until the last possible hour. Then I'd just walk around. I picked up skateboarding, which eventually led to me skateboarding a hill on a stupid dare, and that led to hitting a parked car with my face, followed up by some rolling downhill, also on my face. Which led to seeing my chin bone (bones really are a nice bleached white color). Whenever I skateboarded I listened to the Sheila Divine. There were good times out there. I did go out with friends on occasion. But a lot of nights, I just felt lonely.

Anyways, its been two long, long weeks. I'm going to Buffalo this weekend. I'm positive I can't afford it. But I'm going anyways. I need to have a good, happy, carefree weekend.