A metaphor

I haven't posted my daily drawings in a while. They are done. I caught up last night. I had been about by about 5 days. I've been catching up at work and here at night.

I was talking to a friend and he said if I was falling behind maybe I should just stop all together. Been a good run but if I'm not keeping then it's done what it has done and move on. Those weren't the exact words, and it was a brief commentary regardless, but that is how it went in my mind.

But I won't stop. I don't want to. It was fun, and some nights its amazing what I can do, and other nights I have to force myself to draw, and just aren't happy with what I'm drawing. And I wonder, is my drawing a metaphor for my life. Should I just let things go. They've done what they've done and its time to move on.

But I'm stubborn. Oh how I can be stubborn sometimes. And thus probably won't move on. 230 some odd drawings in a row. How do you just stop doing something like that? It is practically a legacy. An expectation. And I like it over the long run. And when I don't draw for a night I'm disappointed for not doing such. So I can't give it up.

Like I said, a metaphor.

There and Back Again

The following was written at 12:30 am. I just got to Cleveland about twenty minutes ago.

So its almost 12:30.  I'm going to drive back to Cleveland tonight.  Last time I tried this I got stuck sleeping in a parking lot.  Hopefully I'll be more successful tonight.  The whole reason I took tomorrow off was to see people at KMS tomorrow.  I'm opting against that right now.  My whole weekend was good, fun...but tonight...not that it wasn't fun...but...
I shouldn't have seen Jenna.  That's not true.  I liked seeing her.  I'm glad I saw her.  But I didn't think it'd kick me as hard as it did.  I don't know what I was thinking, but it was nice to see her.  Even if its for the "last time."  I know there have been plenty of other last times seeing her, but in August she's moving to New Orleans, and she has a boyfriend of a few months, and she said "I just wanted to see you to say goodbye."  But it kicked me hard.  And it opened those floodgates of regret.  Regret that we didn't make it together.  Regret that she was special to me and I was an idiot.  Regret that we weren't happy with who each of us were, and wanted each other to change in the smallest ways, but that couldn't happen.  Regret that I could screw up like I did, and not know what to do, so I did nothing.  And funny, regardless of how it ended, I still pictured us togther. A goodbye?  A never see her again?  I don't know if I saw that coming.  Even if I haven't seen her in 6 months, the whole never (and yes I know....never is stupid...never say never...whatever) thing wasn't on my tongue or the forefront of my mind.  And I'm kicked hard.... because I'm obviously not over her; even after 6 months of not seeing her.
Anyways.  I like night driving.  So its not so bad.  And I think, in my current slightly depressed state, a nice peaceful drive will be good for me.  Maybe not.  Who knows.  And funny, I may not love Cleveland, but home is where you want to go to feel comfortable.  And I'm comfortable in my apartment, and that's where I want to go right now.  I'm at Dan's house but he's not around anyways, and I don't think I would stay if he was.  I want to wake up someplace I can waste tomorrow away at.  I just picture going in the door and crashing on my couch.  Not even my bed, my couch.  So my apartment it is.  Even if its lonely at times, its currently home, and where I want to be.  At least I have Angelo and Oscar to keep me company.


Stupid bridge. I got another flat tire today while riding my bike home from work. First time in a few weeks, but on the same damn bridge as my last flat. This one was because of a wall staple. Maybe staple isn't the right word. Whatever, its one of those two pronged things that looks like a staple but has plastic in the middle. Its used to guide wires along the wall or door frame or whatever. Regardless it was stuck in my tire when I pulled over to change the tube. So I spent ten minutes changing the tube on my bike. I wasn't angry though. If anything I found it funny. I mean I wasn't in a rush, and really it put me in a better mood than I was before. Bizarre.

So right after changing my tire, in my good mood I biked off the bridge. I crossed the street and on the corner was a homeless man with a sign. I didn't read the sign but the bottom line caught my eye. "For the love of Jesus please help me." I bike right by but then stopped. I was in a good mood, and sometimes, when I think of doing something nice after the fact but don't turn around to do it I regret it later on. So being charitable, and of high spirits I gave him what I had in my wallet (a few dollars, I don't carry cash on me in any real quantity). He gave the "God Bless You" to me and a plethora of "Thank you" and "You're a good man" comments to me.

I was thinking about as I biked off. Did I really care what he spent that on? No. I mean to me it was enough to buy some fast food if I didn't feel like cooking. I don't know what it means to him. If he really needed the money or not. But it felt good. I was in good spirits. And to be perfectly honest I have benefited not too long ago from the charity of complete strangers. (see this post)


Its been brought to my attention by more than a few people that most of my recent pictures are smile free. Leading to the internal "am I happy" question. I think so. I'm still in a better place than a month ago. As long as that keeps up then I'm fine. Maybe I'm not all smiles lately. At least not for pictures. But really.....when I take a picture of myself for whatever reason, I don't know why I'm not smiling. I'm not frowning or grimacing. Just not a big teeth showing smile. Who cares.

Not I.

Red Eyeliner

I was at a training for the majority of my morning today. There we got to play with some modeling clay. I created this eye.


To go along with it I created a short story about a girl named Gina. Its more a train of thought story than actually going someplace plot wise. I didn't pre-plan, or edit it. Just wrote what came to mind. It helped pass the time in my training. Oddly enough, I have always found it easier to pay attention while doing something else at the same time. I got a lot out of the training. My mind multitasks well apparently.

Some of the ideas come from personal experiences (Carrie, my older sister used to study late at night, and was valedictorian) and others, like the fascination with blood comes from some article I read lately about some random reality tv star. The rest, made up on the spot.

Rather than type out the story I've decided to just scan the pages. So here it is. I started with the title Red Eyeliner.

Red Eyeliner 1

Red Eyeliner 2

Red Eyeliner 3

Red Eyeliner 4

Angelo and Oscar

Here are the much promised pictures of Angelo and Oscar. Oscar is the orange striped cat. He's the new addition to the household. Angelo, the black cat, is older and has slightly more bulk to him. Yeah....that's a nice way of putting. They're getting along ok so far.





The stupid laundry machine stole my quarters today. Annoying. But I was looking at my quarters before I used them. In the 20 some odd quarters I grabbed for laundry (remember the machine stole 6 quarters) I came across 4 1974 quarters. For some reason I couldn't use them. Seemed coincidental. I also couldn't use the 1979 quarter and the 1997 quarters. Year I was born and the year I graduated high school. Only two years that seem to hold any meaning for me.

I don't collect quarters so I have no idea what I'll do with them, although my father collects Bicentennial Quarters. I have 9 of them sitting here stacked in the apartment for the next time I see him. Its a funny hobby, but every time I have a quarter in my hands I check to see if it is a Bicentennial Quarter, so I can save it for my father. I've been saving Bicentennials Quarters since I was old enough to recognize them. Before I even knew what the Bicentennial was. When I was a kid I was so excited with every Bicentennial Quarter I found, because I could give it to my father and he would give me two regular quarters back for it. Double my investment. He always said they would become rarer and rarer as the years go on. I really think I'll be picking out Bicentennial Quarters for the rest of my life. And I'll always think of my father every time I am handed a quarter.

I wonder if he knows how ingrained this for me. Or how much I actually enjoy separating out Bicentennial Quarters to hold for him. I'm not even sure if he avidly collects them anymore. But I smile with every new quarter I hold.

Hump Day

That's right. Today was Wednesday.

Based on the weather there was a 60% chance of rain in the afternoon. After consulting my friends Matt and Reg I was convinced to bike to work anyways. It started raining around 4 pm. Then stopped at 5:30. Then started again at 6:15 as I was getting ready to bike home. Then stopped after 8 pm well after I was home. Nice. Common Sense 0. AJ 1. Way to over come common sense. (you can't tell but I gave myself a high five right there)

I took a short age expectancy quiz. Apparently people who just have coffee for breakfast do more to shorten their lives than those that eat no breakfast. Anyways, my real age is 30 years old, my virtual age is 24.8. I come ahead in that scale. The average life expectancy for a male is 74, I can expect to live till 79.2. It tells I have about 18,000 more days left to live. I can deal with that. I'm thinking of making a countdown.
I found the quiz here.

I think I might go out and get a library card this weekend. I was listening to NPR today and there was an interview with the author of An American Gospel: On Family, History, and the Kingdom of God. The author wrote a book based around figures of literary and american history that pertain to a modern american perspective of religion. His whole point was that he hated how many religions were fear based or punitive; specifically certain takes of Christianity. So he struck out to find his own take on religion and wrote his book. The NPR interview is here. The amazon link is here.

On a Sunday

Its late on a Sunday night. But that's ok. I did a few things today. Saw the new Star Trek movie (its good, thumbs up). I called my mom. I sat at the park and read. I watched Angelo and Oscar duke it out a little (pictures forth coming). I had a long phone call with Jenna. I read my book. I drew a few drawings (to be posted now).

Its been a long day. But a good one. And I'm in a good mood right now for some reason.

Oh and I had a great time fooling around with Stumble Upon today.


Falling apart

I literally fell apart tonight. Stupid flossing. I flossed out one of my fillings.

I swear I'll post more. I've had all these ideas to post and yet I've been lax.