Jonah

‘Sometimes I like to think about
the stars that cover you.
How they burn out one by one
until another day is through.’
~ Jonah by Wussy

I woke up with this song in my head. I love this song. I slept a solid six hours last night. Probably a little more (maybe a little less). I tried to go to bed at a decent hour but it wasn’t becoming.

Drawings are coming. I spent last night catching up (all caught up bitches) and today I’ll get down to scanning. Hold your breathe. Otherwise. Stop the rain. Damnation rain go away.

All things change

“all things change
never rest, never sure
what is worth
fighting on for”
~ Billy Corgan

Tough choices suck.  And are hard to come to terms with.  I broke up with Sarah after 9 months, and it wasn’t an easy decision.  I wasn’t completely happy, and I was frustrated.  And it had been that way for a while.

I don’t know.  All things change.  And while what Sarah and I had was good, even great at times (and for a long while it was fantastic), it had changed.  She went through her changes on her own, and I went through mine on my own, and we didn’t go through changes together.  Which is sad.

Lyrically Tired

I find it amazing when I am exhausted that a song can pop into my head and get stuck there.  Yesterday was a long day.  From the moment I got up to the moment I went to sleep it felt like one thing after another.  About half way through the day I just wanted to lay down, and as I started item number 6,000 on my to do list, the song Andy You’re A Star popped into my head.  Now I haven’t listened to the Killers in three or four months.  I did hear a little bit of Brandon Flowers solo album when Reg played a song last weekend, but that’s the closest I’ve come to listening to the Killers.  Just having something taking up a small sliver of my brain to distract and relax me helps with long days.

Anyways, you can listen to the song here.

Attempt

I’m going to attempt to update my blog in the mornings now.  Part of my morning routine.  For example, its 6:30, I got out of bed half an hour ago, and I have to be in my car driving by 6:45.  So far this morning I’ve shaved, showered, made coffee, washed a bunch of dishes and fed the cats.  That’s fairly productive for a morning (I’ve dressed as well, also important).

But seeing as I can’t remember my weird dream, would actually like to take time to write a proper entry later today or tomorrow morning, and actually put up some pictures or drawings, I’ll just end it by saying Casino Versus Japan is amazing.  You should listen to them.  Try three songs:  Buried, Marilynn Set Me Free, and Wasted Snow.  You can find them all here.

Now to make my lunch, clip my toenails and get out the door.

9/11 thoughts

Its been a while, and rather than summarize everything in the last couple weeks I’ll just write whats on my mind now.

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9/11 is a weird day.  Aside from being Sarah’s birthday (Happy Birthday!!!), I don’t know how I feel about it.

I remember 9/11, Sean and I were at Alena’s house, the last stop on our rather eventful cross-country drive.  Alena woke us up with a “We’re under attack.”  I had no idea what she was talking about until we went downstairs and saw the television.  I remember thinking that Huong, my girlfriend at the time was going to NYU and I had no idea how close she was to the World Trade Centers, but pretty sure she’d be fine.  I wasn’t paralyzed with fear, or freaking out, or even concerned for my own safety.  I did try to get Huong on the phone (which took a long time, but I did eventually talk to her).

I remember being cynical about it.  I mean we were in Erie Pennsylvania, not exactly a high priority target for anyone.  Sean and I didn’t even postpone that leg of our trip.  We still took off and headed to Buffalo, on 9/11.  I had plans to stay in Niagara University with a few friends for a day or two.  I made it there (it took a while, with the US/Canada borders closed trucks were backed up for miles).  I recall talking to my mother, who said if there was a draft keep heading towards Canada (I knew there wouldn’t be a draft).

It wasn’t “a brand new day” in my eyes.  I even remember talking to my then friend Steve (a devout Conservative Republican) who said “aren’t you glad that Gore didn’t get elected now” to which I replied “are you kidding me, do you honestly believe that whoever got elected had any impact on whether or not the attacks took place.”  I mean really, using 9/11 as a vindication for who was president is just sad.

All those memories of that time aside, what do I think now.  9/11 was terrible.  There no debating that.  9/11 was defining.  No debating that.  I dont’ know if 9/11 changed my life.  Really.  I don’t think my life is any different than it would have been had 9/11 not happened.  I think its important to remember that the USA does have enemies out there.  But our enemies are the majority of the population out there.  That a government, group, or enclave of people does not always represent the majority or the will of the people.

Demonizing a religion for what a small few do is ridiculous.

Rights in the USA apply to all citizens, even when you think its in bad taste.

Hatred, and anger should not be motives for changes in society or law.

While I believe the war in Iraq was started under false pretenses and motives, the war in Afghanistan has been a tragedy and I hope for better days for Afghanistan in the future.

The fact that its 9 years later and construction at Ground Zero is still in it infancy and not nearing completion is just sad.

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I won’t forget 9/11/2001.  I won’t forget that we were attacked.  I also won’t forget that many muslims lost their lives in those attacks (no, I’m not talking about the terrorists), alongside of many jews, christians, hindus, atheists and people of other religious beliefs.  And in that moment when they lost their lives they were not defined by their religion, but rather were all people, who died needlessly.

And while I remember them, I won’t use that memory to support my own beliefs, wants or desires.  Nor will I use their memory to deny someone their rights.  Instead I will remember them, solomly, and keep on living my life with purpose that matters to me, because if and when I die, I don’t my memory to be associated with hatred, ignorance, or bigotry.  I don’t want my memory to be used to push an agenda, or to tell someone else that their religious beliefs are wrong, or that their rights, gaurenteed in the Constitution and build into the foundation of this country should be taken away, because someone else doesn’t agree. I would rather someone look at my life and remember me for who I was, a flawed person who tried to live a good life, and remember that life, not my death.

That’s what 9/11 makes me think about.  Not patriotism.  Not loss.  Not a cause or a purpose.  But a reason to keep living my life.  And to remember that there are tragedies, but our country was built to endure tragedies and to prove how our way of life, of basic freedoms for all people to live free, is strong enough to survive.

Musical Kick in the Pants

So I had what I refer to as a musical kick in the pants today.  Its when an old band that you used to love comes flying back in your life for now reason.  Or for a specific reason.

Today Sarah and I were sitting around and doing our thing (she editting photos, me nerding on the computer – nerding is now a recongnized verb in our apartment) and she asks me to put on some Pixies because she wasn’t familiar with them.  So I throw on Death to the Pixies and proceed to find myself singing and humming along with every song.  It is ridiculouls how I know the lyrics to so many songs. Nice useless information.  I love it.

So yeah, I describe as a musical kick to the pants.  Bringing me back to my musical roots.  God I love the Pixies, where have you been in the last year.