Maybe it’s just me. But it’s how I feel. Part of the reason I moved from Buffalo was that I had little left to achieve.

Stay with me… At 28 I had seniority in my department, tenure, and pretty much job security for the rest of my life. I was the co-chair of my department, had a decent apartment, and was so comfortable in my environment that even when I couldn’t raise a single friend to hang out I still had places I would go just for the he’ll of it. A family wasn’t, and oddly still doesn’t top my list of priorities. Or really make the list.

But hell. It was a moment where I thought ‘either I stay here forever or I get the hell out now.’. When Pat, Dan, and myself talked about all moving away from our current situations together the night of Derek’s wedding it hit home with me. It may have just been drunken ideal talk, but I knew it was exactly what I wanted.

I set in motion plans to move despite being unsure of who would move with me, or even if anyone would. After a move and trials that are known to many I ended up in Cleveland basically living paycheck to paycheck with few to no friends around me. It was new and uncomfortable and horrible unstable. And while I’ve stabilized slightly since the move two and a half years ago, I still have no clue where I am going.

But I don’t want to. The whole point of that trip down memory lane is that the goal started out as moving away with friends in tow. That was the goal since graduating college… just no one moved away from Buffalo (shut up
Pat… You left only after I committed to move there). But it wasn’t the urge. The urge was to move. And the urge is important. Not some fictional idealized goal.

Fuck long term goals. Live for the urge. Live for the feeling you can’t escape, not the comfort. That’s how you enjoy life. That’s how I enjoy life. I don’t know where I’ll be at 65, at 50, at 40. I don’t even know where I’ll be in three years at 35. But I know when that urge or feeling hits I’ll follow it. Fuck Long Term Goals. Fuck the Ideal. Enjoy what you have and where you are and the urge that you can’t escape. Trust that the universe likes you, it created you didn’t it, everything will work out.

This has been a slightly inebriated rant by AJ. Hope you all enjoyed it.

P.S. – Go Sabres