Phrases I uttered today:

– “James says my office smells worse since you moved in.”

– “Herman Cain is an idiot.”

– “I’ve got the key to the vending machine. Let Ron know if he opens it and its empty I didn’t do it.”

– “I’m pretty sure Jody wouldn’t accept my death as reason for not showing up to work tomorrow.”

– “Jesus made me do it.”

– “HEY, I make pretty good cat noises!!!”

– “So you’re going to lie to me then.”