Snooze

I am not normally a fan of the snooze button.

That’s not exactly true.  I set two alarms instead of using a snooze button.  One for 5:30am and one for 5:50am.  Nothing in between.  If I don’t get up at 5:30 then I sleep until 5:50.  And I never get up at 5:30.  But that’s a sneaky 20 minutes. I use it to trick my brain into thinking every weekday I’m going to be up at 5:30, and those 20 minutes are special and it only gets them on occasion.

This morning I tried to add another ten minutes into the situation.  When the second alarm went off at 5:50am I set an alarm for 6:00 so I could sleep a little longer.  My brain apparently didn’t appreciate this attempt at more sleep.  I ended up laying awake for 7 minutes until I decided to just get out of bed.

I think my brain is in on the trick of setting two alarms.

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Asleep

I can fall asleep anywhere.  It’s impressive when you think about it.

I’ve fallen asleep in church (not that impressive).

In a moving car (some people can’t).

Standing Up.

When someone is talking to me (again, not that impressive).

Immersed in back and forth conversation with someone.

Mid-sentence. (that one surprises even me)

While getting a haircut (that was yesterday).

While getting stitches in my chin (that one surprised the doctor putting the stitches in, it was a first for him).

I even have those quick dreams that make quasi sense, building off of what I was just doing.  I had a dream once while I was laying on the floor talking a friend.  I just sort of stopped talking (fell asleep mid-sentence) and had the “walking off a cliff dream” where I was walking and then shook myself awake because in my dream the floor was yanked out from under me and I started falling.

Its not narcolepsy.  I’m just that awesome when it comes to sleeping.

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Alarming

I woke up to my alarm this morning.

That wasn’t the issue.  I fumbled with it, shut it off and laid back down.

As soon as I closed my eyes I thought “That alarm is set for weekdays, why would it go off today,” and fell back asleep.

9 minutes later the snooze went off, I shut it off, thought the same thing and fell back asleep.

When my backup alarm went off at 5:50 I finally realized that the reason my weekday alarms were going off was in fact because it was a weekday, and sadly dragged myself out of bed.

Damn you 5 day weeks.

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I realize

I realize there have to be worse ways to wake up but…..

a cat throwing up loudly at the end of your bed has to be near the top of the list. The sounds are bad enough, however when added with the horrifying accompanying scents it’s nauseating.

To double-down on the “you’ll not get back to sleep after this” Angelo then followed up the vomiting with crapping in the other room…. not in the litter. In case you’re wondering, yes, you can hear Angelo shitting, it is like a loud, messy, wet popping now that happens several time in sequence. Oh yeah…. that smells too.

I realize he’s old, and eating lots of wet cat food of differing varieties and healthiness because we are trying to keep Oscar eating by buying whatever food tastes good, but if he never does this again I’ll be a happy man.

But I’m not kidding myself.

Sigh.