The following was written at 12:30 am. I just got to Cleveland about twenty minutes ago.
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So its almost 12:30.  I'm going to drive back to Cleveland tonight.  Last time I tried this I got stuck sleeping in a parking lot.  Hopefully I'll be more successful tonight.  The whole reason I took tomorrow off was to see people at KMS tomorrow.  I'm opting against that right now.  My whole weekend was good, fun...but tonight...not that it wasn't fun...but...
 
I shouldn't have seen Jenna.  That's not true.  I liked seeing her.  I'm glad I saw her.  But I didn't think it'd kick me as hard as it did.  I don't know what I was thinking, but it was nice to see her.  Even if its for the "last time."  I know there have been plenty of other last times seeing her, but in August she's moving to New Orleans, and she has a boyfriend of a few months, and she said "I just wanted to see you to say goodbye."  But it kicked me hard.  And it opened those floodgates of regret.  Regret that we didn't make it together.  Regret that she was special to me and I was an idiot.  Regret that we weren't happy with who each of us were, and wanted each other to change in the smallest ways, but that couldn't happen.  Regret that I could screw up like I did, and not know what to do, so I did nothing.  And funny, regardless of how it ended, I still pictured us togther. A goodbye?  A never see her again?  I don't know if I saw that coming.  Even if I haven't seen her in 6 months, the whole never (and yes I know....never is stupid...never say never...whatever) thing wasn't on my tongue or the forefront of my mind.  And I'm kicked hard.... because I'm obviously not over her; even after 6 months of not seeing her.
 
Anyways.  I like night driving.  So its not so bad.  And I think, in my current slightly depressed state, a nice peaceful drive will be good for me.  Maybe not.  Who knows.  And funny, I may not love Cleveland, but home is where you want to go to feel comfortable.  And I'm comfortable in my apartment, and that's where I want to go right now.  I'm at Dan's house but he's not around anyways, and I don't think I would stay if he was.  I want to wake up someplace I can waste tomorrow away at.  I just picture going in the door and crashing on my couch.  Not even my bed, my couch.  So my apartment it is.  Even if its lonely at times, its currently home, and where I want to be.  At least I have Angelo and Oscar to keep me company.