I calmed down eventually. I really like the Christmas Tree lights I put up in here. Kind of relaxing.

I am actually really relaxed right now. If it wasn't for Oscar being a jack ass I'd be completely relaxed. I hope Dani finds a new home for him soon. He is getting on my nerves. Anyways, as I scanned in my drawings l put on the Violent Femmes, and then eventually stopped at the song Good Feelings and put it on repeat. it is a good wind down song.

Good feeling
Won't you stay with me just a little longer
It always seem like you're leaving
When I need you here just a little longer.

Ohhhhh, dear lady, there's so many things
that I've come to fear
Little voice says I'm going crazy
to see all my worlds disappear.

Vague sketch of a fantasy
Laughing at the sunrise
like he's been up all night.
Ooo slippin' and slidin',
what a good time but now
have to find a bed
that can take this weight.

Good feeling
Won't you say stay with me just a little longer
It always seem like you're leaving
when I know the other one
just a little too well.
Oh dear lady
won't you stay with me just a little longer
y'know it always seem it always seem like you're leaving
when I need you here just a little longer.

I was in a great fucking mood. And that seemed to collapse upon itself. Instead of coffee I am now drinking beer.

I went for another walk today. This time down to Willow Coffee House. Its my favorite coffee house in Cleveland. Its just over a mile away, an easy walk. It also helped that is a gorgeous day outside. Sunny, about 50 degrees outside. I took my sweater off and was walking in just jeans and t-shirt, cause it felt so nice.

I got to Willow and before I ordered I asked if they took credit (or debit really) but he said cash only, which I quasi remembered from being there before. I walked across the street to the bank and tried the atm there. It was out of cash so I tried the atm next door, which also failed to give me any cash. I was standing on the sidewalk using my phone to find the next nearest bank and saw three black (african american, sorry) men walking down the street. As they pass me one of them puts three fingers on my pants and tries to get in my front pants pocket.

When I turn around to face them they are already a few steps away, but the one who tried to get in my pocket turns around, puts his arms and say "What, what, what are you going to do about" and starts walking towards me. Now I'm not violent, nor am I really confrontational, and all of them were bigger than me, not by a lot, but enough. So I called him an asshole and told him to never fucking touch me again.

His friend comes up behind him and says they "oughta beat the shit out of me." And I told them to go ahead and try. The one who reached for my pocket said something about taking a swing at me, to which I called them all assholes and again said go ahead. At this point they are only a few feet away from me, the third guy is kind of far back and really isn't saying anything.

They then turned away and started walking away saying how lucky I was. I again called them all fucking assholes and told them to stay the fuck away from me. The first guys turned around and asked what I said, and I said "you heard me, you're all assholes." I stood and watched the walk away. So I walked back to my apartment. And as more time passes it still pisses me off. Its been about an hour or so and man it irks me. Fuck those guys.

Like I said. I'm not violent, I'm not even that confrontational. It takes a lot to get me upset, annoyed or pissed off. But this, this really really got to me. Hell I was in a great fucking mood. And now I'm not. Instead of coffee at Willow's I'm in my apartment having a beer. It's got me fired up and pissed off at the same time. So I'm going to sit on the couch, and read, and have a beer, and try to calm down a little.

I've recently entered into a new relationship. By recently I mean only this last week.

We're at that awkward nervous who knows what will happen stage. Will it last, will it fail miserable right away. We both are excited, but at the same time we are scared nothing will come of it. It seems to work, seems to be a good fit, seems to have potential, but there are limiting factors also.

Yes, my apartment and I have entered a new relationship with each other. I am working to keep it clean and de-cluttered. I haven't left once this last week with dirty dishes in the sink (thats right, new goal, never leave a dirty dish in the sink when I leave). The living room is as clean as it gets (realistically it has cat toys spilling onto the floor, that is a common thing though). The bathroom is organized and things not needed in there were put into the hallway closet. The bookcase was cleaned, organized, dusted and put back into order with several selections eliminated for drop off at the Salvation Army (I have a decent sized pile for them). There are no items out in the living room that belong somewhere else. No small clutter. My bedroom and bedroom closet are tonight's goals. Although my bed is made.

can feel my apartment is nervous, its not used to being treated like this. It wasn't that it didn't like the old ways, just that this way is different. But somehow better. I myself express doubts on my ability to hold my end of the bargain up. Can I come home from work and put things where they belong, and not just drop them by the door. Can I shower and immediately pick up my clothes from the bathroom floor, not leave them for later. Can I make the bed every morning or put laundry away as soon as its clean. Its nerve wrecking, but exciting all at the same time.

Like all new relationships there is the early thrill of it all. But who knows how long it will last. Its is good for now though. I love you apartment. You rock. I hope you feel the same about me.

Yesterday, while walking back from Target, I made a point to smile and say hi to just about anyone I crossed paths with. Despite carrying the large bag of cat litter (I have to go back now, I'm almost out of cat food), I was in a great mood. I like walking places. I like walks in general.

Anywho, I walked passed a slightly crazy looking guy and smiled and said "hi." I had my headphones on and was rocking out to 80's music, but I think he said hi back. I set down the bag of cat litter a few feet past him and stretched out a little. He came back up to me and said hi and asked my name.

Normally when a stranger does this, especially a slight crazed looking one, I know he's about to ask for money. But Tom didn't ask for money. I took off my headphones and said my name was AJ. He offered his hand told me his name was Tom. His speech patterns told me he wasn't quite all there. But he asked me if I liked beer. I said yes (obviously) and he said maybe we could get a drink sometime. I was kind of shocked, but said maybe. He said he lived on West Street and asked if I lived around there. I told him I lived up on Lake street.

He looked genuinely happy to have someone to talk to. Now I know what you're thinking (especially Dani, cause she reminds all the time that I live on the "West Side" of Cleveland), but I really got the feeling he was just looking for a friend. He reiterated that we should go to a bar and have a drink sometime, and gave me a scrape of paper with his name and phone number on it. Really, its a scrape, a piece of cardboard. He didn't ask for my number. Just said "Nice to meet you, give me a call sometime and we can get a beer." And then after shaking hands again he continued walking down the street. The whole thing was maybe a minute or two long.



Now when I said that he is not all there, I meant it. He spoke very loud, had weird vocal intonations, and I think I saw a tic in his face. But he was nice, and I really do get the feeling he just wanted to make a new friend. The way he walked was a little off. And he was a little unkempt, but generally a just a nice guy.

I found the scrape of paper while folding up my jeans from yesterday. I had honestly forgotten all about Tom. Who knows, maybe I'll give a call when I head to Now That's Class next week.

Now I really need a neck or shoulder massage. I went for a walk down to Staples to look at their sales (the scanner I wanted wasn't on sale, but some DVD-R's were). I've been looking at the Canon LiDE 200. It costs pretty much the same everywhere. But I didn't want to purchase it then. I probably will look around for comparable scanners for a while and keep my eyes open for a deal.

I then proceeded to walk another half mile down the street to Target. I picked up some coffee and a few other small things and then realized I needed cat litter. With only minimal thought to my situation I bought a 25 pound bag of cat litter. I got out the door and realized i was a mile and half (at least) from home. The bag was bulky and awkward and proceeded to rip a litter a few streets down the road.

I ended up carrying it on my shoulders (yay titanium collar bone). Now my neck is sore. And shoulders hurt. But I'm home. Wooo. Actually I'm going to walk to the lake to see how it looks before it gets too dark out.

Ok. Last year's Thanksgiving was all sorts of suck. I spent it with pizza (left over from the day before) and beer. It was lonely and I was depressed. This year, much better. Although I still was alone, I was in a fantastic mood all day long. Strange the difference a year makes. Anyways I crossed four things off my list yesterday too.

I did laundry (laundry up the ass). Four loads. I don't have a single dirty item in my apartment except for a towel I used yesterday. I cleaned the kitchen. I cleaned up that broken snow globe (Christmas Tree Ornament, whatever). I went through my bookshelf and got rid of some books. I dusted. I washed (part of laundry) the covers to my couches. I lint brushed everything (fraking cat, not you angelo). I cleaned the bathroom. I watch a bunch of Twin Peaks episodes. I hung Christmas tree lights around the living room. I hung up a painting in the living room, a piece of artwork in my hallway, and my Smashing Pumpkins LP that is framed.

And on top of all that I caught up on my drawings, drank a bottle and half of wine, and made myself a Thanksgiving dinner. I was very motivated and upbeat for some reason. It may have been the massive amount of 80's music I listened too.

Today I slept in. I have since showered, talked to Reg a lot, ate leftovers and scanned in most of my drawings. I'm going to upload them and then go for a walk. Later I pick one of my two closets to declutter. This week I will have to make a Salvation Army run.



My Thanksgiving day dinner. I had turkey breast, wine, milk, stuffing, rice, salad, and rolls. For dessert (which was hours later) I had coffee and a piece of a pumpkin roll. And yes, I drink wine out of a coffee mug. Its a PRS mug that Josh gave me for Christmas last year. When I drink wine at home that is what I use, its reserved for wine and nothing else.

Soooo much has happened. The most important of course is that I now have a pair of Wild West Sunglasses. How kick ass is that!!!

They were my favorite sunglasses of all time, but being that they were Burger King sunglasses they are not the most durable. I love them though, and they obviously look awesome still.



Anyways, I was going to go back to Buffalo for Thanksgiving but I'm having second thoughts on the idea. I have made a list of things I need to accomplish relatively soon. For some reason I have gotten it in my mind to de-clutter my apartment. I started in the kitchen. I've decided to get rid of half of my coffee mugs (which still leaves me 9 coffee mugs... I'm not sure where I got so many). I've also got rid of a bunch of glasses. So its a start.

But the rest of my list goes as such:
- Clean Up Snowglobe
(a Christmas tree ornament my mother made me broke recently. It had all this glitter in it and is now all over.)
- Laundry (particularly sheets, cats have shed all over everything)
- De-Clutter (closets)
- Find Art Check (money)
- De-Book (my bookshelves are overflowing)
- Christmas Presents (I want to finish my christmas presents)

So yes. I might be staying here all week and finishing up my list (none of my previous lists get completely finished, so I'll go for gold this time).

Various things could be said. But none tonight. Time for bed.

There's this scene from Home Movies where Brendon is sleeping over at Fenton's house. Pretty much against his will. It goes like this:

Fenton: GOOOOOD MORNING
Brendon: No
Fenton: Cock a doodle dooooo. Time to do the chores.
Brendon: Why are you doing this to me?

That's how I feel this morning. Stupid morning and alarm going off. Curses to you morning. sigh Alright. Time to shower and get some coffee.

I have a headache. Whiskey didn't help. Time for bed.

As I'm cleaning up my apartment and listening to Radio Lab. The episode is all about Numbers. There is a fantastic opening segment about how infants view numbers completely different from us. How they see the distance between the numbers 1 and 2 as far greater than the distance between 9 and 10. Because they see don't view things as single integers, adding an object to another object doubles the amount you have (1 + 1 = 2) but adding an object to a group of objects doesn't double a group (9 + 1 = 10). It goes on to say through reward and prompting they eventually forget that notion of math and start to see thing the way adults do. By integers (one is one one is one is one, you can add one to anything its still only increasing by one each time).

The second segment is about a strange russian mathematician. Interesting, but not as good s the first.

The third segment though. Seemed to hit home. Made me think a little and relate to my own life (thats what great about Radio Lab, the stories always relate or make you think). It all about this guy who became pen pals with his old high school math teacher. The write math problems back and forth to each other and try to confound each other. For years. When his teacher's son dies abruptly he doesn't know how to respond, so he doesn't. But the teacher goes on for years sending more math problems, even when the narrator starts a family and can't keep up with replying. A year or two later the narrator's brother dies. And he gets a letter with condolences about his loss from the teacher.

The narrator mentions how bad he feels, about how hard it was to just say "I'm sorry I never talked to you about your son and your loss." But how the teacher's letter hit him, and made him reach this Bifurcation. Its a math term that states "when a forces upon a system gets too large there can be a moment when the dynamics of that system change abruptly and qualitatively." (direct quote from the show) He eventually goes to the teacher's house and they talk about it, and their relationship changes at that point. It more deep.

Anyways, bifurcation. I think this kind of relates to how I forgive people. If I think of friendships and family that have gone burning down in flames (really only a few of them) and about how I deal with that destruction of a friendship. I usually just cut off contact, stop talking to them whatever. But to forgive whatever destroyed that friendship takes so little. Usually that non-contact goes on for a long while, but it takes the littlest of effort to change it.

I think of Rollin. We were college friends, eventually roommates after college. We lived together for a year or so (two years maybe). That was all ending with his getting married. That's exciting enough, but the last couple months of us living together were also stressful because his sister basically moved onto our living room couch. She also worked a night job and was around all day. Our apartment was a quaint (nice way of saying small) two bedroom. A third person on our couch, not paying rent, was infuriating. Anyways, this was stressful on our friendship, but not crushing. Rollin wasn't really dealing with the situation despite my prompting to kick her out. This is all from my perspective, I have no real clue what was going on in Rollin's end.

Anyways, the last month or so of living was particularly silent between us. I had assumed, being that I was his roommate and all, and that we had been friends for years, that I would be invited to the wedding. But a month had passed since I literally watched them send out wedding invitations. And I never got one, and was never told I wasn't going to the wedding. This was my good friend, my current roommate, and I wasn't invited. And no excuse was given. It wasn't even spoken. It was like this unspoken argument between us (granted this was from my perspective). He moves out, gets married, and that's that.

We didn't speak for years (three). And then right before I moved to Cleveland Rollin called me up. He had heard I was moving and wanted to see me before I me before I moved. That was it. We hadn't talked in years. And despite how things had ended, here it was coming up again. He wanted to hang out before I moved. That was all I needed to forget I was upset about not being invited to his wedding. That whole issue, gone. And really has never been brought up. It doesn't need to be. He came down and hung out all weekend. It was a great weekend, like old times. We've talked a bunch since then, I saw him a few weekends ago in Buffalo (he lives in Canada now).

Bifurcation. A splitting. A fork. I suppose being a guy it is easy to forgive a friend. Slight bit of pressure, and blam, the normal order is changed and split. Maybe its over complicating it. But that what I thought of after hearing it.

You can find that show here. Radio Lab : Numbers

Good Morning World.

I spent my Friday sadly drinking some whiskey and reading. I didn't even upload my daily drawings (although again I scanned them). I'll get to that in a little bit. I also watched G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Upon second viewing, not that great. So I watched Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Again, not that great. The only redeeming quality to those movies was the Buffalo Chicken Dip I made to eat while watching them. (which proceeded to make me as fat as the Reggio's pizza from the other night).

Wait!! I didn't tell you (here on my blog) about Reggio's. I was shopping at Aldi's Thursday night and came across a frozen pizza called Reggio's. And since Reggie is my good friend since 6th grade. Been through a lot. Anyways I could not help but pick up a pizza that I regard as named after Reggie. So I ate Reggio's pizza. And told Reg it made me feel fat. He said "you're not fat until you are Reggio's fat." So yes my chicken dip made me feel Reggio's fat. And the salad I ate before the dip was no help.



Anyways its ten am on Saturday. Its supposed to be gorgeous today (just like Ithaca....Hahahaha. Never gets old). So I'm getting a start of my day.

Made bed : check
Lint brushed bed : check (cats slept on it last night)
Cleaned bedroom : check
Put away clean laundry : check
Did dishes : check
Picked up living room : check
Put up Futon couch : check (its been down for weeks)
Drank coffee : check
Scooped Kitty crap : check
Fed cats : check

Things to do today.
Shower :
Hit up Staples (I need CD-R's and get good scans of some drawings):
Go for a walk :
Burn CD's :
Go to Now That's Class (to get out of my apartment and have a drink):
Get a Library Card (this is just a thought):
Put mix CD together :
Get to work on Christmas present :
Write in novel thingie :

I have realized I have few friends to hang out with here in Cleveland. Last night I wanted nothing more than to go out and get a drink with someone, but had no one to get a drink with. It was a long frustrating day and I just wanted to commiserate. Maybe its my fault. I'm friendly people, but making connections with new people for friendships isn't as easy as it came when you saw people every day (say in high school or college). Also being broke doesn't help. Oddly, if I was to move now, instead of moving closer to my friends, I've kind of got it in my mind to move further away. Not to say I will. I doubt I will. But in this current lonesome morning, I have half a mind to hop in my car and drive to Minnesota or something.

That quote from Glory Days was right: "The bitch about getting older, you know, you don't fling yourself into love and friendships the way you did before you got hurt. That's a damn shame."

I woke up and tried to remember it and did, but after my shower its gone. I had this dream where.... I don't know. I just remember everything was doubled. LIke twins. Twin doors, twin gates, twin people. Except for me. I had no twin (yes I know, tiddle is close), but there was a whole storyline to this dream that I can't remember.

A few weeks ago I had about Kenmore Middle. Everyone was there. It was an interesting dream. Maybe I'll type it up later tonight after work.

Also, look up Radio Lab. It has become my favorite radio show. It has the most interesting, well told stories about science and life in general I have ever herad. You can't help but become a fan when you listen to it.

On a second also, I decided to take part in the National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo. The goal is to write a short novel by the end of November. I'm late starting but basically I just decided to jot down all my random memories and stories in one spot. But its fun. I'll post some when I'm done.

I was back in Buffalo this weekend for the Whiskey Classic. The Whiskey Classic is a frisbee golf tournament Invented by a few of my friends. This is the second year I've played in the tournament. The way it works is that you drink a shot of whiskey for every stroke you lose the hole by. A few rules are in place to ensure survivability. First rule is the majority rule. If a majority of players decide you need to stop, you stop. Second rule is a maximum of two shots per hole. Third is that after ten holes it goes down to half shots instead of full shots. There are other things, like socials and mulligans but that the gist of it.



The tournament is 27 holes long. Afterwards there is an extremely long grilling period to celebrate and recover. We had particularly nice weather this year. A little windy but over 60 degrees out so it was gorgeous. We all started really well this year. Mike took an early lead after losing the first hole. Brian was in close pursuit with Marc and I only a few strokes off. Mike eventually pulled away but after the opening ten holes things started to get interesting. Brian had a few losing holes and started having trouble keeping his game together. Marc pulled ahead of me to come close to catching Mike.

Around hole 23 Brian had to be cut off. He was eventually just throwing the frisbee on the ground fifteen feet in front of him. Or into the woods. Regardless it wasn't going anywhere near or towards the basket anymore. He accepted being cut off pretty complacently.



Thing got really interesting going into hole 27. Marc and Mike were in a dead heat. It was all down to the last hole. I was still playing and may have said a comment or two about how Brian should have kept playing (not drinking, no one wanted that, but keep throwing his frisbee so at least he could say he played the whole tournament). Anyways as I am walking towards my frisbee for the second throw Brian tackles me. I'm not sure why, as I was far from heckling or harassing ( that I recall, I had more than a few shots in me at the time). Anyways, Brian tackled me, and I wrestled him into a headlock and held him there till Mike and Marc finished their hole (Brian looked a little angry at the time so I didn't want to let him up). Mike came back and held Brian at bay while I got up.



A little while later, while Marc was celebrating his first ever Whiskey Classic victory, Mike was grilling and Brian confessed someone had told him to tackle me but couldn't remember who (this is less than 20 minutes after he had tackled me). He seemed over it but he also went into a zen sort of drunken coma where he just sat there without really looking or talking to anyone. But he recovered rather quickly (not before making a comment that he should stab me). Multiple kinds of meat were grilled and feasted upon. Copious amounts of re-hydrating beverages were drank and the conversation on the drive home was fantastic.

All in all a better classic couldn't have been asked for.

I live alone. Lately I've been listening to WGR 550 am in the mornings through my computer. WGR is the Buffalo sports station. I just can't get into Cleveland sports. I've never been one to like basketball or baseball, and despite the Browns having beat the Bill this year I cannot get beyond how much they suck. Plus I just don't have interest in them.

My desktop computer is in the living room and not far from the bathroom so I leave the door open when I shower in the mornings. This allows me to listen to WGR while showering. I get all my Bills talk and Sabres talk before even leaving for work. It makes sense, I live alone (I wouldn't do this if I lived with someone, I'm nicer than that, but currently I don't live with anyone).

Today however someone jumped in the shower with me. It was Oscar, my cat. I was in the shower and over the edge of the tub comes Oscar. It was sooooo weird. And of course once the water hit him he jumped out and ran. Oscar is a weird cat. He's been in the tub before when water wasn't running. Looking at the drain, drinking some water dripping, whatever. That stuff isn't weird. I've seen a lot of cats do that. I even caught him sleeping in the sink before.



All that, its not so weird. Jumping the shower with me, weird. Considering how fast he hopped out after getting wet I doubt he'll do it again, but it makes me think about going back to showering with the door closed, and forgetting about listening to WGR in the mornings.

I woke up today and thought it was Wednesday. It was awful when my world came shattering down on me and I realized it was actually Tuesday. However I did get to a roller skating rink today. And While I didn't skate, my arms were almost pulled off at kids grabbed hold of them while they fell down.

Time to scan in pictures and head to bed.

Quote of the day:
"Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever known."

Everyone should be able to guess where that comes from.