Freaking tired today.

Varied crap on my mind tonight.

As much as I'd like to type it all out, put it up here for the world to read (or that sliver of the world that reads my webpage, including those random European and Eastern Asian hits I get on occasion) and look at the rest of my drawings I scanned tonight; I just remembered I have to be at work early tomorrow. So it'll all wait.

5 am and I've been up for an hour and a half. But I'm watching Futurama so hopefully it'll put me back to sleep soon. Not like I have anything going on today to get up for. I could just sleep in.

Jenna on the mind. Obviously. Something won't go away. She told me that she said to a friend whatever was going on between us, I was never mean. I never said mean things. But this time I had. This time I went too far she said. What I did say was mean, was something I regretted saying right away, but it was an angry moment, in a bitter argument. She was saying mean and awful things to me and I shot back with a bitter comment. It goes both ways, but it sticks in my mind.

I found this I had wrote back on Thanksgiving of last year. I never published it to my site (or if I did I for some reason took it off).

And the story goes like this....

A time from now a guy will walk into a building in some town or city. Whether it is a bar, hotel, store, or some other residence does not matter. Nor does the name of the city or town. Nor does the date, year, or time. Its is all immaterial to the story.

The guy walks into a building. He looks across the span of the room and there he recognizes her. Its been some time since he last saw her. And he gets a smile on his face. A happy smile. She sees him and can't believe its him. The walk to each other.

"Its been a while," he says.

"It certainly has been. I can't believe its you, here." she replies.

This is stupid he thinks. This shouldn't be so awkward. It was hard then. It shouldn't be now. And finally he says "Its good to see you," and reaches in for a hug. And she hugs him back. And they relax. And they sit and talk, about everything and nothing. And catch up. And smile. And.....

I wrote it back then. I could write it today. I still like it.

Anyways. Five am. Six am now really. Jurassic Bark. Great Futurama episode about how Fry finds his dog that has been flash fossilized. He has all these lovely memories about the dog, which was his best friend before he went to the future. He eventually decides that his dog must have lived a long happy life without him, and to bring the dog back to life would be cheating the dog from the happy life he lived without Fry. So he leaves Seymour (the dog) fossilized. The end credits show Seymour living a lonely life without Fry, waiting for him to come back to him, but Fry never does. Its a sad ending. One of the more sentimental episodes of Futurama.

As the long lonely life of Seymour is shown a song is played. 'I Will Wait For You,' sang by Connie Francis. The lyrics are quite beautiful.

If it takes forever I will wait for you
For a thousand summers I will wait for you
Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you
Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

Anywhere you wander, anywhere you go
Everyday remember how I love you so
In your heart believe what in my heart I know
That forevermore I'll wait for you

The clock will tick away the hours one by one
Then the time will come when all the waiting is done
The time when you return and find me here and run
Straight to my waiting arms

If it takes forever I will wait for you
For a thousand summers I will wait for you
TIll you're here beside me, till I'm touching you
And forevermore sharing your love

TIll you're here beside me, till I'm touching you
And forevermore I will wait for you

I haven't watched Futurama in a while. Just threw the dvd in this morning (night, morning whatever) and that episode played. I always liked the song and since I was awake I opted to look up the lyrics. Its a little on the nose, goes along well with that writing from Thanksgiving though.

I also found it on youtube. Listen to it. Perchance you'll like it.

I WIll Wait For You

I passed a squirrel while driving to work yesterday. It was dead on the side of the road. It laying on its back, with four stiff legs up in the air. Like you picture a dead animal in a cartoon. I thought, and later typed on my facebook, that maybe it was a metaphor for my life, except in my life the legs are still twitching.

I was going to write this long entry on my weekend to this point. It may not seem like much being that it is Saturday early afternoon. But its been eventful. I was going to write this whole entry on my argument and fighting with Jenna today and yesterday, but we both come off looking bad. So I'll skip it. I had written it all out, but then decided we both look like assholes. So no. Time to go back to cleaning.

Anyways its been a crappy morning / early afternoon. But I'm cleaning now and I'm going to get off my ass and get out for the day. So wish me luck. Barring nothing going on, I'm going to go draw at a bar or coffee shop. So that's my Saturday. How's yours?

I got up and drove back to Cleveland early this morning. I spent the weekend in Buffalo because Josh was in town and I wanted to see him. So I drive back this morning (and I took off of work today) and figured I would nap into the afternoon. But that didn't seem to work in my favor. Despite being exhausted my whole trip back, and avoiding getting caffeine, I still haven't slept more than 15 minutes since getting back over two hours ago.

And I haven't felt well all weekend. A little tired, and my stomach hasn't been feeling great. The only thing hasn't quite turned my stomach was Special K I had about an hour ago. So I saw Josh this weekend. I saw Brian, Reggie, Matt, Dan, Mike, LIsa, Marc, Sean and Jenna. Quite the accomplishment to see all of them in one weekend. Not all at the same time, but still I saw them all.

I think I have a sliver in my finger. This is all around a whiney post. I'm tired and not feeling well. I'll end it here.

Oh...and Go Bills.

I wake up today and finally feel like I got good sleep. I'm debating going to Buffalo tonight or tomorrow. I might hang out here tonight, drive up tomorrow. Josh doesn't come in to Buffalo until tomorrow morning.

Given the run around I got over getting new tires installed yesterday, I may spend this afternoon/evening calling other places to get them installed. I found brand new tires for $35 each, but then installation would have cost me more than the tires themselves cost. At $35 a tire, I was quoted at whole deal for $297 dollars. To buy the $70 tires he quoted me at $340 total. Maybe I'm slightly naive when it comes to cars, but when a $35 tire cost that much and a $70 costs that little more, I feel like they're hosing me to get me to buy the more expensive tire. When I told him I wanted to see a print out of those prices for comparison he said no need and then just wrote them down on his business card for me. That sort of sealed the deal since he would show me a print out of the expenses on each one. Then I walked out and said I'd buy someplace else.

And I'm tired. But I'm going to bike today, right?

I had this dream where I had to jump in my car and leave really fast, except it wouldn't start. And I had people with me, and we were all doomed.

On another topic. It took me all day yesterday. Literally twelve or so hours of on and off trying, to get this webpage to upload. And today, it is all muffed up again. If I can get it to competently work tomorrow I'll upload some September drawings.

August was quite the up and down month for me. Just in how I feel. Sometimes great, sometimes not so. I've had weeks where I biked to work every day, and weeks where I didn't bike at all.

But here we are in September. Which always starts with a bang. Its weird to think I've been here a year. And still only have one or two friends I hang out with on a regular basis. But that's ok. I'm making some progress. Feeling a maudlin tonight. Just looked it up. According to the dictionary it means : Self-pityingly or tearfully sentimental, often through drunkenness. I'm not drunk. Not really self-pitying either. In a "blah" sort of way. Isn't it weird how you can use blah to describe a mood? Really. Blah: Used to substitute for actual words in contexts where they are felt to be too tedious or lengthy to give in full. Interesting. But what word could I use for the more appropriately. Eh... just thinking about it has made me a little happier. I was surprised to find blah in the dictionary though.

Time to make a pizza.