Last Saturday, one week ago I underwent something that could have been infinitely worse than it actually was. One person even told they wished I hadn't told them the story. But its such a strange story, I think I'll tell it anyways.

My friend Reggie had been up all week. On Saturday I drove him back to Buffalo. After spending time with my friend Janine I decided to just drive home to Cleveland, so I could sleep in and relax all day. I felt like I needed it, like I'd been running since being in Vegas over Valentine's Day weekend. It was almost 11 at night, and I figured I could make it back to my bed by 2 am and sleep for a solid 8 hours at least.

Around an hour into my drive I notice my car starting to overheat. Which is bizarre because its 12 degrees outside, but I crank the heat and the temperature drops for about ten minutes. After ten minutes it overheats and starts smoking. I had just passed an exit ramp for Dunkirk and was just lost for what to do. I pulled over on the side of the highway just confused. I don't have AAA and I all the Hyundai services that came with my car expired last year. I look under the hood and see nothing but smoke....the oil seems ok but there is still fluid dripping out, no, streaming out from the engine.

I sit in my car for twenty minutes. Calling people, but then realizing I'm at least an hour drive from anyone, and I'll have to be back for my car the next day if I leave. I also realize I should just sit here on the side of the highway, freezing my ass off. So I decide to slowly back up to the off ramp I had passed. It was maybe a half mile or more away, including going under an overpass with no side lanes. The whole time my car is not making happy noises, but I make it. I slowly (read under ten miles an hour) drive through the off ramp and cruise into a 24 hour TOPs grocery store parking lot. I don't know what do, I don't see a hotel to stay at. At this time its after 1 am. I pull the extra clothes I had in the back of my trunk and bundle up. It is extremely cold, and I keep the radio on to keep me company as I try to sleep. I shiver my ass off even with all those clothes on. About 5:30 am, after maybe 40 minutes or an hour of on and off again sleep I head into TOPs to warm up. I still have no clue what I'm going to do.

There is a Tim Horton's inside the TOPs. I head there and the lady says they don't open til six but I can hang out at one of the tables if I want to. After starting to read a paper, the next thing I know is that its 6:30 and I've been sleeping at the table for almost forty minutes. I get a hot chocolate because I want the sugar more than I want caffeine. I head outside into the still frigid weather and start my car. No grinding engine noises like the night before. No smoke, no overheating. Its just doing fine idling in the parking lot. I drive to a part of the parking lot that is in the sun, because there is frost inside my car and I need it to melt.

After twenty minutes of idling I decide to drive it down a local road to see if its ok. Maybe, I think, I can drive it to Cleveland and get it looked at Monday. Just so I can be home. I make it down the local road about two miles before massive amounts of smoke come pouring out of my car. Unfortunately in my two miles of driving I am now in a random farm country, far away from anything recognizable as a business.

I get out and pop the hood. Even with no keys in the ignition, the car is still smoking and the fan is still running. Even I know its not a good sign and I know next to nothing about cars. I can't think of a single thing to do. I literally feel like walking into the field and laying down until it all sorted itself out or I pass out and die from the cold. It was a long night, I was exhausted, had no one to call for help that could be there anytime soon. Just then a white Ford F-150 truck pulls up heading the other direction. A window unrolls and I see the drive, with a beer in hand ask me if I need help. The word "HICK" is just screaming from mind. The sight of him (and his passenger in the front) both having a beer in their hands is not encouraging. There's even a third person half asleep in the back of the cab.

But I look at my car...still smoking with the fan running. And I look at them, just looking like a bad idea all together, and shrug my shoulders and say yes. They say ok, and then drive down the road and turn around doing a fish tail in the road in the process. They pull up in front of my car, both driver and passenger get out, throw their empty beer cans in the ditch next to the road, get out two more and then come over to look at my car.

A couple things to note that go along with first impressions of these two (the third is still in the truck). They are both obviously and admittedly drunk. I got the we've been out drinking universal symbol (lifting your hand to your mouth in a drinking motion) and followed with the comment "We've been drinking all night." The driver is wearing a trucker hat, and has big wire frame glasses and is a little chunky. He's wearing what looks like a policeman's jacket (which he later confirms he stole from a cop last time he was arrested by saying he was cold. The cop gave him the jacket and went to search his car. The guy takes all the police memorabilia off the jacket and when the cop comes back fifteen minutes later he doesn't remember giving him the jacket). He also is swearing at any car that drives by, giving them the finger and waving around his beer all over the place.

The other guy is a whole other story. He is really skinny. Has a little patchy facial hair. Oh....and he's missing a decent amount of teeth. And he has those teeth that are coming out of his upper gums that are black and brown and half there. Hard to look at really, yet you're curious about so its hard to look away. He's got on a white and black hoodie that I can't figure out what it is supposed to say, but whatever. He looks colder than I am.

They come over to my car and start poking around in my engine, waving the smoke out of the wave. The fan thankfully stops. They decide its my water pump that is broken. The whole time they start by telling me how they've been in that situation and tell me that's why they wanted to stop and help. They start trying to think of where to take me and decide that they can call "Mark" and he'll help them. After asking, I find out that Mark is a mechanic/owner of a garage behind a Kwick Stop in town that one of them works at. After talking to Mark (who normally doesn't open on Sunday), he agrees to look at my car.

At this point I ask their names. It turns out both of these two guys are named Josh. The guy in the back (who still hasn't moved) is named Mike. I should mention they've been stopped with me for about twenty minutes and they are on their third beers. They decide the best way to get to the garage is to tie my car to their truck and tow it that way . The driver (here to know as Josh 1) pulls a frozen rope out of the back of his truck. He's wrestling it while Josh 2 (no teeth guy) gets into the truck to warm up. With this racket Mike decides to come out from the truck. Did I mention they are all chain smoking, and all mentioning how they need more pot. Mike is only 17 and it shows. The Josh's are maybe 24. Mike makes a pretty rational decision, and decides that he will just call his AAA for a tow. Josh 1 chucks the frozen rope into the ditch (with the empty beer cans) and both Mike and I get into the truck to warm up and wait for AAA.

Josh 1 just stands in front of the door drinking and flipping off/swearing at every car that drives by. He is still waving around his beer telling everyone how he doesn't give a fuck. I start asking about this motley trio. Josh 1 is apparently a drug dealer, and told me hence he "owns this county." However he is also part of the volunteer fire department, and his father is a cop or sheriff or something. Josh 2 works at the Kwick Stop. Mike, being only 17 is going to a military school in two weeks. (Mike also reminds me of someone I went to school with when I was young....Joe DiMello). Josh 1 and Josh 2 are telling me a great story about how they almost burned down Josh 2's apartment earlier that night.

In the midst of this, the truck stalls and won't start again. Josh 1 gets up on the engine block and starts swearing at the engine. When I say up on the engine block, I mean both feet standing on the engine. He threatens to get a grenade from his apartment and blow up the truck if it doesn't start. Mike tries tapping the starter to see if that will help. Josh 1 is getting frustrated and gets a hack saw from his truck to beat the engine with. Except after two whacks, the hack saw breaks and the blade goes into the engine. Another ten minutes later he finally fishes out the blade (it ends up in the ditch, with many beer cans now).

Thankfully at this point AAA shows up. Josh 1 is insistent on helping out the AAA guy which just prolongs the whole process. But after my car is hooked up AAA guy goes to look at their truck. He tells them it can't be the battery but the Josh's insist that they want a jump anyways because it is most definitely the battery. Josh 1's cousin shows up in her car and pulls up to give them a jump, and AAA guy gives a slight head nod suggesting we leave.

As hard as it is to believe, when I get dropped off at the garage/Kwick Stop its not even 9 am. Time seems to have slowed. The garage is closed and locked up so I head into the Kwick Stop. Its still really really cold outside and as much as I want to sleep I wouldn't have been able to without freezing my ass off some more. And there's no place to sit in the Kwick Stop. I buy a coffee and make small talk with the cashier. Around 10:30 I decide its warm enough to sleep in my car some. Oh, and about an hour after being in the shop Josh 2 comes in and buys a 24 pack of beer.

I sleep for maybe forty minutes before Mark shows up. He's a normal jovial man. He starts working on my car right away. Around 4:30 he tells me he's done. I spent the whole time trying to nap, but being unable to. The chairs in the garage just were not that comfortable. It was the water pump. It had a hole in it. It cost just over $300 to fix.

I got home to my apartment around 7 pm. All told, for such a strange story I made out really well. I wouldn't have found that garage on my own. It wouldn't have been open even if I did. Because they stopped I was able to get home that day. By the time I actually stopped and thought about my day I was just shocked that the whole thing just happened. In the week since multiple people told me I was lucky not to have it go the way of "Deliverance." Now I've never seen Deliverance, but I know enough about it to know I never want a scenario like that.

I took some pictures because I felt I need proof that it happened.


Josh 1 searching for the hacksaw blade.


Josh 1


Josh 2 drinking in the truck.


You can't see.....but Josh 1 is being very helpful behind the steering wheel of my car right now.


Mike.