A series of letters reflective of tonight's Cajun Fettuccine Alfredo dinner;

Dear George Foreman Grilling Tool,

You are amazing. I don't know what I would do without you. You are great for grilling, cleaning, and basically an all purpose tool. You are awesome. But you know it. You cocky bastard. Don't think I don't see your smirk. I hate you. I hate that I can't live without you. Stop staring at me with that self-assured grin.

Sincerely,
Guy from Apartment 209

Dear Can of Green Beans,

I am so sorry I left you in the back of my cupboard for over three months. Opening you tonight, I have realized how much I have missed you. I am sorry I never opened your earlier. I promise never to leave any of your brother cans in the cupboard that long again.

You were a wise and tasty, if not out of place, vegetable to have with dinner tonight.

Sincerely,
A Green Bean Fan

Dear $5 jar of cracked pepper alfredo sauce,

I picked you up by accident at the store Saturday. I swore you were on sale for $2.50. That was the jar next to you. You were in the absolute wrong spot on the shelf. I am pretty sure someone picked you up, saw that the other jar was on sale and you were actually a rather expensive jar of sauce, set you down and picked the one on sale. I, stupidly, picked you up without looking at the brand on the tag, thinking the price reflected was you. You are not worth five dollars. You are not fantastic alfredo sauce, in fact you are kind of bland. I did not taste any cracked pepper.

Next time I see your brother jars in the store I am going to "accidently" drop one of them on the ground out of vindictive spite.

Sincerely,
Disappointed with Alfredo