I left in the middle of a snowstorm yesterday. Took me four times as long to get to work as usually. Worked late to outlast the storm. Arrived home two hours after it had stopped snowing to a perfectly clear street. I thanked god for giving me a plowed street to park on. As I walked up to my apartment I break through thick snow up to my shin into a icy cold puddle. The two minute walk up to my apartment from there leaves my foot painfully cold and extremely pale after I take my shoe off.

I sit at the computer to find no internet connection. My bill is due on Saturday, but they decided to shut off my connection yesterday. Which leaves me to pay $40 to get reconnected on top of the bill. I get paid tomorrow, which I thought was perfect because I could pay the bill before it was due. I went to bed early, pissed that the soonest they can reconnect my internet is Saturday. Which is when my bill was due anyways.

I wake up today in a slightly better mood. I make my coffee and head down to my car, which was ticketed at midnight. There was a parking ban in Cleveland yesterday. And I got ticketed five minutes before midnight. Over 7 hours after the snow stopped. Over 5 hours after my street was plowed for the last time. And its $50.

For some reason, these two events in close proximity have completely crushed my happiness of the New Year. Maybe its the new Chinese Year. And my crappy fortune from that. But I just fell from whatever high I was riding since January first. And I was frustrated. When I was down and depressed in November I drank. When I was frustrated this morning, I punched the ceiling of my car. I didn't know what else to do. And I was frustrated. Am frustrated. So I punched the ceiling in my car while driving to work.

I'm not an angry, or mean, or physical person. I'm very laid back and go with the flow. But these two events hit me just right. So I hit the ceiling in my car because its a meaningless harmful act that helped me release a little of my frustration. And my knuckles eventually bled. And I didn't want to go to work. But I did. And worked late again. For the fourth day in a row.

So now I'm sitting in a coffee shop typing this up. With the last two dollars cash I have on me spent on coffee. The other three were spent on windshield wiper fluid earlier tonight, because of course I ran out on my way home.

So not having internet leads to another problem. I never bought tickets for Angie's wedding. I put money aside for it. That I am trying hard not to spend on bills and a bullshit parking ticket. And I hate to sound petty, but to be honest I don't know if I want to go. I will go, because she's family, because she's my sister, because its her wedding and I love her. But I can't honestly say I want to go or am really looking forward to going. Which is probably why I put off buying a ticket. Am I a horrible person for not wanting to fly to Vegas for two days to see my sister get married?

The answer is obviously yes. I am ashamed for even typing that. But whatever. Its been a crappy day.

Here's a photo I took of my bandaged fingers. The second knuckles are the ones all cut up. The other knuckles are just raw and red. Bloody knuckles indeed.